Feeling down

The last 24 hours has been a little rough. Todd and I have been praying for an answer for something and we both went to the temple this weekend. It felt nice to go to the temple since it's been a while since I last went, but I still didn't get any impression as to what we should do. I don't always get an impression, so I didn't think anything of it. Todd, on the other hand, received a very powerful revelation as to what should be done. I trust it, and him, and I'm ok with the decision. I've always felt that Todd was more in tune with the spirit, so it didn't really surprise me that he would receive an answer. The thing that was hard was that I didn't feel anything.

It's not a jealousy thing, but a unworthy feeling kind of thing. I felt horrible after he told me of his experience. We both went to the temple with the same question, yet our experiences were vastly different. Why couldn't I receive the same personal revelation? What am I doing wrong? Why couldn't I feel the spirit? I knew I had things that I could improve on, but was I just not worthy? Had the spirit tried to give me an answer too, but I just wasn't in tune enough to see it? With my busy schedule, not spending as much time with the kids, doing it all on my own while Todd is gone and already knowing that I have a lot of things that I could improve on, it just made me feel really low.

I tried not to think about it today, but different things throughout the day made it hard not to think about. I did pretty well until the last hour where a couple of people could tell that something was bothering me.

I don't know how to get over this feeling that I'm inadequate. Yes, there are good things about me, but there are also things that I'm not doing as well as I should. I know that I can continue praying to try to receive my own revelation about it, but it's hard to feel like there's a point to doing it now. If Heavenly Father only answered one of us before, why should I keep asking?

Again, I am not angry or resentful. (I know that when reading, it's hard to always understand what emotion is behind the writing.) I just feel sad. I know that all I can do is try to read my scriptures more and keep praying and hopefully I'll be able to over come this feeling soon.

More motivation

I just got an email from Todd with a 'save the date' for a JAG Dining Out. Since Todd has been in the service, we really haven't had the chance to go to any of these kinds of things, so I'm excited to have a reason to get dressed up. The problem is what to wear. Do I have anything super formal to wear? Will it fit me? Do I buy something just to have it (hopefully) not fit me in a few more months when I've gotten back down to size?

I don't know what I'll find to wear, but I do know that I now have more motivation to make sure I eat well and get on my treadmill. I have less than 2 months. If any of you DC people know of a good place to get modest formal dresses, pass it on. (Or I might just come check out some of your closets.) :)

Feeling the itch

I haven't run more than a couple of times since we moved to MD, and it's a little depressing. I went from looking forward to my runs, to dreading the idea. (Wasn't I just in the same situation a year ago?!) I know that I have some good excuses (Todd's schedule, my going back to school), but they're still excuses. I feel better when I run. I have more energy and feel better prepared to take on the challenges.

Well, yesterday was a BEAUTIFUL day. I saw so many people out running, and now I have the itch. (Plus my scale has been angry at me lately.) I might not always be able to get outside, but I'm going to at least get on the treadmill 5 days/week. I don't know when, but I'm seriously contemplating doing it in the morning. I know, I know! Me, who is so not a morning person, get up earlier than I have to?! Well, I got up an hour earlier this morning to take Nathaniel to volleyball practice and you know what? It didn't kill me. My goal is to get an early run in 3 days/week. Then I'll only have to worry about when to do it on 2 other days.

Let's see how long I can make it last. Who knows, maybe I could turn myself into a morning person . . .

New Title

When told that the Sparks were coming over, my friend's 7 yr. old son said, 'No, just one Spark.' I thought it was cute and thought that it was the perfect title for my revamped personal blog. I was talking to that same friend about how I had this personal blog, but I hadn't used it in a while. Originally it was going to be a weight loss blog. Then just a blog about improving myself. She mentioned that she's been thinking about starting a personal blog, since she likes to keep the family one just about family stuff. And, not that she wants a place to rant, but how it would be nice to have a blog just for her.
I thought it would be nice to have a sperate family blog as well. So, since I'm trying to do better on blogging, I thought that it would be a good idea to try to keep my main blog about the family, and try to keep this one updated with info about me.