Everything that's left undone

Since moving to Maryland and going back to school, it seems like most other areas in my life have slipped.  I know that I'm a good student, and getting my education is important, and I know it's what I'm supposed to be doing (or at least was when I first decided to do it), but it feels like the rest of my life is going downhill with me being in school.

When I was "just" a stay-at-home mom (**read as "when I still had a crazy amount of responsibilities, but just not as much as I do now with school work piled on top of it"**), I was pretty on top of things.

1. I made sure each kid did their homework when they came home, and checked through all of their homework to make sure they got the right answers. They never, or as close to never as you can get, missed homework assignments. And they were prepared for school each morning.
2. I would help them study for upcoming tests and quizzes.
3. I made sure that they did their chores right after homework and the kids got to the point where I didn't even have to tell them; they just did them automatically.
4. I made sure that they practiced their instruments EACH day.
5. I spent lots of time on my calling in the Primary Presidency.
6. I was awesome at doing my Visiting Teaching and rarely missed a month.
7. I watched what I ate and exercised daily (4-6 miles) and maintained a healthy weight.
8. I would get together with ladies, for Relief Society or just for fun, for my 'down time.'
9. I kept on on appointments like dentist and Dr. appointments.
10. We would take family walks, watch movies or do other things together as a family.
11. We had family dinner regularly.
12. We had regular Family Home Evening, scripture reading & prayers.
All while Todd was deployed.

Since I've been in school, things have changed.

1. I haven't checked to make sure that my kids homework is done as often, which has resulted in MANY missed assignments.
2. I don't have time to check on homework let alone help them study for anything. So, coupled with missing homework, some grades have been lower and it's been a struggle to lift them.
3. Chores for most kids are a joke. Even with chore charts up, if I don't remind them, and actually stand in the room while they do it, chores rarely happen. (Myself included.)
4. I'm not always home, or free from homework, to make sure that the kids practice their instruments. (This has been a really hard one for me. I'm such a music person and I think it's so important that they learn to play an instrument, especially piano.) This has lead to us pulling kids from some lessons because it was a waste of money and the teachers' time to continue lessons when they wouldn't practice. (There are still a couple of lessons going on for the ones who will practice, but 3 lessons were dropped.)
5. I keep up with my calling now, but it's because I'm the Primary pianist, so I really don't have to do any preparation. So it's perfect right now.
6. I've been decent at doing Visiting Teaching, but not as good as I was. And even when I do the visits, I don't put as much preparation into it as I used to. :(
7. I have probably exercised less than 10 times since we've moved to Maryland over a year and a half ago. And with my school schedule, I find myself eating out a lot more and often times just eating more junk even when I'm not eating out. I haven't even been close to maintaining my weight. I did ok the first year, but in the last 6 months, I have put on 20 lbs. (Yes, 20 lbs.)
8. I try to get together with some ladies every now and then, but even when I do, I'm always thinking about the homework that I should be doing or feel bad that I'm not doing something with my family during that time, even though it's needed as my 'down time.'
9. My kids just went to the dentist for the first time since moving here a year and a half ago and Abigail had her first cavities, and pretty big ones at that. :(
10. We started doing family walks when we first moved here. Each Sunday we would walk around the lake or the neighborhood, but that hasn't happened in a while. And I don't know when the last time was that I just did something fun with the children. Most family activities are just Todd and the kids.
11. Family dinner happens when Todd is here, but again, it's usually just Todd and the kids. When Todd is gone, it's often just the kids; I'm usually gone or eating upstairs while doing homework.
12. My kids keep mentioning how our Family Home Evening board assignments haven't changed and that it's STILL their turn to do _____. We did well with scripture reading for awhile, but it's now become hit or miss. Prayers still happen for meals, but family prayers don't happen all of the time.

I know I can get better at some things and I know I could manage my time better, but I feel that most things won't really change until I'm done with school. I've been trying to finish as quickly as I can, so it won't drag out too long. The upside is, I'm in school fewer semesters. The downside is that I'm busier each semester, and this semester has been the busiest. I'm taking five classes and a lab. I knew it would be a lot, but after this semester, I'll only have four more classes to go. Hopefully I can take one or two this summer, and then finish the other ones in the fall and graduate.  But that's just the first two years.

Todd would like me to take a break after I graduate until after we move to our next duty station before starting the last two years.

Each time I get a note from a teacher, see another missed assignment, gain another pound or lock my bedroom door so my kids won't disturb me, it just makes me feel worse as a  mom. I was never the "world's best mom," but I was a lot better than I am now. And everytime someone praises me for being an 'amazing mom' or something, it makes me feel like a fake. (Oftentimes, just being the mom of a lot of children is the reason for the praise, not neccessarily because I've done anything amazing.) But all I can think about is how often my children argue or fight and the laundry list of things that I haven't done. (And laundry is another problem of it's own.)

I'm working on at least trying to get the important things like FHE, scriptures and prayers back on track, but I just feel like I'm so far from where I was, and even father from where I want to be.

I know that I was supposed to go back to school, although it was not the most convenient time with Todd's traveling schedule for work being like it has been. In blessings that I've received, they've mentioned how my family would receive the benefits of me going back to school, how I would receive their support, but also how the devil will throw everything he can at me during this time. It's hard to see any benefit that my family has received with me being in school. I know it's good for them to see the importance that we place on education and doing well in school, but it seems like my lack of time has only made things worse since I've gone back to school.

Despite my tone of this post, I'm not an unhappy person. I don't dwell on these things all of the time and I'm not unrealistic and think that I don't do any positive things. I just felt that I needed to talk about it. Soon I hope to be the type of mom that I used to be, and hopefully someday I'll be the type of mom I would like to be.